| Transient Takes Jeep on Joy Ride | ||
| Orlando - A suspicious
character was seen late Sunday night in an Altamonte Springs neighborhood
late Sunday night.
Little did area residents know that this was no ordinary fellow. This was a joy-riding, jeep-stealing hooligan. When Shimmer left her house to go to work on Monday morning, her jeep was dented, scratched and covered in brush. "I don’t understand what happened," Shimmer told police. "I always park my jeep in the driveway. This is the first time something like this has happened. But I have an idea who did it." Altamonte Springs police, however, claim that this is not the first time a jeep has been taken for a joyride and returned in shambles. According to Office Barbrady, several jeeps over the last few weeks have been through this routine. "We have a suspect, but he is not yet in custody," said Officer Barbrady. "We need to gather more evidence before we can make a move." Newly appointed police chief Joe Friday has uncovered new evidence to that may lead to an arrest. Feathers on the front seat and beer cans in the back are among the clues that point to Wally T. Mallard, the well-known shoe model from Idaho. Mallard has a long history of public drunkenness and general disregard for other people’s property. His popularity hit its peak in the late 1980s when his feet appeared in ads for the famous "duck-shoes." The shoes eventually went out of style, and Mallard’s modeling days were over. He took to alcohol and women, which led him to near poverty. Trying to put his life back in order, he then hit the NASCAR circuit with his friend Rusty Wallace. The two of them eventually had a falling out over a woman, and Mallard was out of the circuit. |
Chicago was Mallard’s
next stop. Living in a hovel near Lake Michigan is where SmooveB...Love
Man found him. Beaten, broke and generally unhappy, Mallard took to SmooveB...Love
Man and stuck like glue. They partied together and SmooveB...Love Man helped
Mallard put his life back together. He even offered to let Mallard live
with him in Atlanta until he became self-sufficient again. Everything was
going fine for Mallard at that point, until Mallard met SmooveB...Love
Man’s gorgeous girlfriend. Mallard did everything he could to steal this
woman away, but it just didn’t work. Mallard, rejected by this woman, went
back to his drunken, joy-riding, womanizing ways. The friendship between
the two remains intact, but the jealousy will always remain.
These are the things which led police to believe Mallard took Shimmer’s jeep for the joy-ride, for she is the lovely girlfriend of SmooveB...Love Man. Driven mad by rejection, he took her jeep four-wheeling through the swamps of the Everglades, and returned it to her driveway without so much as a word. Shimmer is mad about the whole thing. "Nobody drives my jeep," she explained to police, "and Wally knew that! He was just trying to get even with me." Chief Friday has asked area residents to watch out for Mallard. He is described as being 1’ 2" tall, black eyes and has a "living dead look about him." Please call the Altamonte Springs police if you have any information. Submitted by SpyGirl, Inc. Reporter, Shimmer |
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